School starts tomorrow. At freakin’ last. You know all those sarcastic memes with Julie Andrews on the mountain, blissfully singing and spinning in her dress? That will be me at 8:30a.m. tomorrow morning. Except, instead of singing about hills being alive, I’m envisioning myself jammin’ to JT’s “Can’t Stop The Feeling”, while stuffing my face with donuts, and standing on my own little mountain of laundry that I haven’t done all Summer.
Don’t get me wrong, this Summer has probably been one of the best yet. It’s the first Summer we haven’t over-scheduled ourselves. We’ve spent a lot of time being spontaneous. We haven’t worried too much about bedtimes or wake-up times. Yes, I’m sure that one’s gonna’ bite me in the butt any day now, but it’s made for a very chill three months, which makes it #worthit to me.
However, this week, I’ve come to the end of my “Sure we can go get ice cream at 10a.m.!” rope. From June until now, there has been a steady crescendo to the heartbeat of this house. Lately, it has been so loud in here ALL.THE.TIME. Yes, I am yelling, because if I don’t, no one hears me. In fact, I can’t even hear myself think anymore unless I am yelling in my head.
It’s time to get back on a schedule. It’s time for homework, and drum lessons, and soccer practice. It’s time to divide and conquer with my husband, and, once again, try to figure out how the heck we can clone ourselves to get everyone where they need to be this school year.
It’s also time to make six lunches every morning and hope the kids didn’t eat all the pre-packaged lunch snacks that I just bought in bulk the day before. I swear, they are all little snack ninjas. They know this drives me crazy, as we have the same conversation over and over. “Please don’t eat ANY of the snacks on the top shelf. THEY ARE FOR LUNCHES!!” I’ve even tried hiding them, but they must sniff them out like bloodhounds because they always find them. So what’s a mom to do? I sat down with the little thieves and asked them,”Kids, how can I make sure all of the snacks I buy for lunches last the entire week?” Right away, in typical sibling fashion, they blamed their brothers or sister for the crime. So then I asked, “Okay, so what should we do to the person when I bust them?”
Some of their responses were too good not to share:
“Make them sleep outside the entire night by themselves.”
“Put them in detention.”
“Make them clean up dog poop.”
“Make them leave their phone outside in the sun to burn.”
“Make them give mom a foot massage.” (This suggestion was followed by “Eeeeewww!” from all of them.)
“Nothing but broccoli the next day in their lunch.”
“Give the dog a belly rub for an hour straight.”
“No hot lunch on Beefy Nacho Day.” (It’s one of their favorite days so I let them get hot lunch.)
“You don’t get to open your birthday presents on your birthday. You have to watch mom and dad open them.”
“Wear mom’s shoes the entire next day of school.”
“Take away all electronics. Even flashlights.”
“Make them sit on the swing the rest of the day. Without swinging.”
“Make them eat a healthy smoothie. Like with those one things in it. What are they- beets?”
“Make them eat raw oatmeal with the milk, but not cooked.”
“Tell them they can’t have hot chocolate all Winter long.”
Man, they’re funny. And sweet. They make me smile. Which, somehow, is suddenly making me feel a little sad. Because tomorrow! School starts tomorrow! My “baby” will even be school all day this year. It’s been a 15 year run of having at least one kid home with me. One chapter closes and another begins. Maybe I’m not quite as ready for this as I thought I was. Truth is, I am going to miss the heck out of all of these loud, hilarious, messy human being more than they’ll ever know tomorrow. Heck, eat all the freakin’ fruit snacks, guys. Mama loves you. Can someone please hand me a tissue?
For all the other moms out there experiencing all the emotions humanly possible this last day of Summer, know you are not alone. And if you see me walking away from the kindergarten room tomorrow morning with tears in my eyes and snot dripping out of my nose, be kind. I’m not really sure how to do this yet.